When An Assumption Has A Positive Impact

Why You Should Be Assuming Positive Intent in Your Communications ASAP

It’s Monday morning, and you’re going through emails while making notes about who you need to urgently respond to when your boss sends you a message asking, “What are you working on this week?”

“Ugh”, you think, “I really don’t need this right now. Is he trying to indicate I’m not doing enough?” or “Does she not trust me?” We all have an inherent protective mechanism in place (ring, ring, it’s self-preservation calling), and it’s perfectly normal to have a defensive reaction when something is being asked of us or said to us in a way that doesn’t resonate. But let’s flip the disk.

Take a pause to quell the gut reaction of panic and annoyance and recognize that maybe they are simply asking because they are trying to put together a full picture of the team’s activities, so they can see who may need extra support and how they can help. Additionally, maybe they themselves haven’t mastered effective communication to give you that context to mitigate the upfront annoyance. Or they just didn’t have the time to do so because they are asking everyone at once as their own manager is breathing down their neck. We never really know what’s happening in someone else’s head.

This is where Assuming Positive Intent in our communications plays a KEY role. This approach means making an agreement with yourself (and others in a partner or team dialogue) that you will pause for a moment and allow yourself to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. This applies even more so under the current conditions of increased physical separation with coworkers and increased physical togetherness within your house if you live with others. Did your colleague’s Slack message sound passive-aggressive? Instead of responding in equal measure, ask them to jump on a call so you can better understand what they mean. Did your spouse make a snide comment about something? Instead of volleying one back or internalizing hurt feelings, ask them if they may be feeling stressed or frustrated about something.

Your communications will be much richer and much deeper when you go into the conversation with an inquisitive mindset and assumption of positive intent. When you allow yourself to really listen to what the other person is saying and to get curious about what they really mean. When you ask probing questions instead of lashing out (internally or externally). And even when you let the comment go into one ear and out the other because it isn’t worth your energy to analyze how they meant it, you can still assume positive intent because it allows you to move forward with positive energy.

The biggest repercussion of not approaching conversations, both online and offline, with assuming positive intent is a percolating sense of mistrust amongst people, even between family, partners, colleagues, and friends. If someone says something to you that you perceive as hurtful or offensive, can you give them the benefit of the doubt that they didn’t mean it that way? Can you assume that this person who cares about you and your well-being, at least in some regard, isn’t intentionally trying to hurt you?

Sure, there will be times when eventually you realize you can’t assume positive intent with a certain individual because it isn’t there, for whatever reason. But don’t let these unfortunate interactions jade you. Innocent until proven guilty as we say. The world deserves your kindness and needs your leadership in demonstrating positive communication, now more than ever.

How would your interactions with colleagues, loved ones, and even strangers be different if you utilized the positive intent method?