How to Incorporate Joy Into Your Everyday
We often think of joy as this elusive, fleeting feeling that we experience during momentous occasions or life's milestones - receiving the job offer, buying a house, an epic vacation - which can then crash when the next step of reality takes over. But did you know it’s possible to live in a steady state of joy each day? Even when things feel difficult and out of your control, you can cultivate true, lasting joy during the ordinary moments that make up the vast majority of our lives.
If you know me, you’ve likely heard me say something like “If it hadn’t been for that delayed flight, then I never would have discovered that cool restaurant and met those awesome people that I might work with.” At my core, I’m a natural optimist and feel joyful on a daily basis. I’ve also come to understand that many others cannot say the same. After spending time reflecting on this, I think I may know how to turn it around for those who want to.
First, let’s explain why we don’t always find joy in the routineness of our lives. The human brain has a natural negativity bias, meaning we tend to focus more on unpleasant events and overlook the positive ones. This stems from our earliest ancestors whose survival depended on being hyper-responsive to potential threats. While this tendency no longer serves us in modern times, it is a pattern deeply ingrained in our psyche. One that we often don’t even realize we are in.
The good news is that with practice, we can train our minds to actively seek out and appreciate the sources of joy surrounding us each day rather than just recognize the negative. It simply requires being present and paying attention.
One powerful way to invite more joy is through appreciation. You’ve heard about gratitude journals - you may even have one yourself - and this takes it a step further. Bookending each day by mentally noting a few things you are thankful for is powerful. So imagine the power you hold when you can instantaneously activate your appreciator in a moment that feels challenging. It’s like whipping out a pair of rose colored glasses on the spot.
Finding something you can appreciate leads to greater appreciation. For example, when you have to park far away, instead of being annoyed at the distance, your appreciator says “ooh here’s a chance to get in some extra steps, and aren’t I so fortunate to be able to be mobile.” And when you think that way, you can’t help but smile. Your brain is now poised to receive additional stimuli in a positive manner thanks to that little boost of endorphins. And who knows, maybe someone saw you smile which made them smile and created a positive ripple effect.
You can extend this practice throughout the day by curbing your tendency to silently complain about annoyances and chores, and instead looking for the bright spots. Sure, waiting in a long line is frustrating. So you make an effort to be present in the moment, people watch, maybe even exchange pleasantries with someone, and enjoy a break from the rush. You recognize that being frustrated isn’t going to make the line move any faster. In fact, being in a negative thought pattern makes the time feel much longer!
As you start implementing this approach you’ll find previous annoyances become further and fewer between, and dare I say it, not as annoying? We’re not shooting for a perfect score here, so give it a try! If you can turn a situation from a negative energy burn to at least a neutral, or even better a positive energy return, not only will you be living in a greater state of joy and increased serotonin, you’ll also have newfound energy to direct toward the things you really care about.
Another way to incorporate joy on a day-to-day basis is to take a moment to think about something within reach that makes you happy. It could be anything - a book or TV show you’re enjoying, a hobby, a chat with a loved one, a snuggle with a pet, a cozy blanket, fresh flowers, a song that inspires you. Then be intentional about how you’re going to bring that to your day. It may sound obvious but when we don’t take intentional action, it’s unlikely to happen. For example, you might think “later tonight, I’m going to curl up in a blanket and watch the next episode of my show.” Thinking about that action gives your brain a hit of dopamine before that thing has even happened and then doing it further activates those feel-good neurotransmitters. So you actually get double joy from one action.
This isn't about denying negative emotions or trying to constantly maintain a chipper attitude. Toxic positivity is not the goal. We all experience a wide range of feelings, including sadness, anger, loneliness and everything in between. By allowing ourselves to experience each emotion fully while actively looking for reasons to feel grateful and present throughout our ordinary routines, we foster a sense of balance. Little by little, day by day, as you rewire your neural pathways, joy becomes less of an elusive feeling and more of a constant, centring presence. If you take a chance with one or both of these simple actions and practice consistency, one day you’ll find yourself feeling less bothered and more joyful, even if nothing else in your life has really changed much. It’s not the action or circumstance that makes it, it’s your way of looking at it.